


one man's meat (is another man's poison)

by 00053an07



Category: Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Light Angst, Rendon Howe is mentioned in few paragraphs, mild fem cousland/nathaniel howe if you squint, this is my first time writing here so please bear with my stupid ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 02:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20613359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00053an07/pseuds/00053an07
Summary: it was a meeting neither of them expects.or maybe it was just her.





	one man's meat (is another man's poison)

he was a thief, the private had reported, yet it took four Grey Wardens to apprehend him. he sounded like he would be a great potential recruit for the Wardens, and even the private had slipped; calling him a _recruit_ before hastily correcting herself. the young Cousland couldn't help but feel intrigued. with how he private speak, there's no doubt that he is a skilled man, whoever that thief is. and whatever he's searching for, it must have been a very valuable item for him to put up so much fight like that.

none of the private's words had prepared her for this, however.

she saw him after the cell guard had greeted her in amiable terms. the way he sat on the floor, slumped with both legs chained to the wall made him look so forlorn, and Elise was unsure whether the scowl on his face is natural or not. his black hair were all disheveled, untied strands hanging above his face. it made him look old and tired.

a look that she knew too well. after all, it was a look that she had grown accustomed to look in her reflection.

he was looking at anything but her as she consulted with the guards, a few steps away from the metal bars of his cell. whether he was feigning a disinterested act to eavesdrop or not, she didn't know. the cell guard had told her that he never revealed who he was, despite how hard they had grilled him. they couldn't hang him, either. apparently, his fate is now up to her, for she's now the Warden-Commanded and the Arl of Amaranthine.

it was only when she told the guard to left and opened his cell door that he finally looked at her. it was also the moment she realized that he was yet another one of the enemies she had made from the choices she took during the Fifth Blight. the venomous gaze he gave to her as he rose up, standing tall before her, the way he disdainfully sneered the title _she didn't even want..._

every piece finally fell into place when he revealed who he was.

_Nathaniel Howe._ the oldest son of Arl Rendon Howe.

Elise wanted to say he looked familiar, but it would be a lie to do so. even after he had announced his identity, and even after the image of his younger self resurfaced in her mind, trying to find some semblance, he still looked foreign to her. foreign, but there were some things that also made her felt like he was indeed telling the truth. that this man was indeed the boy she knew in her childhood.

she didn't know what it was, though. maybe it was the unbridled, raw emotion in his voice as he condemned her. maybe it was the ire painted over his scowling face. the hatred - mixed with sadness - in his eyes as he lamented his family's fate and her murder act. or maybe it was simply just the way he's right now that reminds her of her old self. back when she was hot on Rendon Howe's tail.

angry. hellbent on revenge. broken.

the more she listened to the Howe's scorn, the more Elise remembers her confrontation with the late Arl. there's a sick sense of nostalgia, bringing her back to months ago, to the dank Arl of Denerim's estate basement, face-to-face with the vile and vain man who had slaughtered her family. crushed everything she held dearly, robbed her happiness for his own satisfaction.

with how similar the situation with her confrontation back then, she couldn't help but ponder, will her death bring him satisfaction? it was clear that he was intent on killing her, before realizing that he actually just wanted to retrieve some of his family's heirloom. it was all that he had, he told her, and Elise knew he was telling the truth with how earnest he sounded. it'd be a full circle. Arl Howe killed her family, she hunted him down, and now his son - once her best friend and close confidante - hunted her down...

her left hand twitched, slowly reaching over to her belt. to retrieve her prized knife, tucked safely in a special sheath on her back. it was a knife that she had used to spare poor souls out of suffering. befitting it would be if she died by this knife, for she's nothing but a poor soul too.

but she didn't. she willed her hand to stop. Elise remember the time she killed Arl Howe, and the hollow satisfaction that followed soon afterwards. the twinge of regret that still left a bitter aftertaste in her, leaving her pondering every night about alternate possibilities. if she had tried better to connect with the belated arl, maybe it wouldn't end with his blood on her hands. the realization that no matter how many arrows she shot over the arl's body it won't bring her family back and fix the Highever estate. nor it would undo the Taint in her body.

she didn't want to give him that. a hollow satisfaction, and maybe regret, if he could feel that. the realization that he had killed his once best friend - does he still consider her that? - and maybe an unforgettable image of her visage in death. Nathaniel deserves much better. so much better than that.

"what will you do if I let you go?"

it seems he wasn't expecting her to ask that, from the bewildered look he sported. Elise watched as he repeated the question, as if he had heard her wrong. the subtle nod she gave quieted him for a moment, his lips opening, before closing again.

"I... don't know. I only came back to Ferelden a month ago." he admitted. his voice was soft and brittle for a moment, and she swore she could hear how he sounded so much like the boy she used to know in the past. though, that vulnerability only lasts for so long before his grey eyes harden and the full of hatred glare came back.

"if you let me go, I'll probably come back. you might not catch me next time." a threat. he wanted her to see him as a threat. Elise furrowed her eyes and opened her lips to ask more, but she couldn't. the guard came back with Seneschal Varel in tow, signalling that she will have to make her decision soon.

"...I know what to do with him." the youngest Cousland still had her eyes set upon Nathaniel as he spoke with the seneschal. it surprised her how she spoke those words with such gravitas, considering deep down inside, she was utterly confused. despite the threat, hanging him wasn't an option. she didn't want to kill a man who didn't deserve to be killed.

if she had to be truthful, she wanted him to stay. she wanted to try to mend the broken bridges between them. but that would meant she have to use the Right of Conscription. she would have him drink that accursed blood, partaking in a ritual where she didn't even know whether he will survive or not. if he didn't, then she would've killed another Howe - this time, a Howe who didn't deserve it. if he survives, that meant she was condemning him to a fate worse than death.

there was only one thing to do, then.

"let him go, Seneschal. give whatever he had taken from the keep." the shock in Nathaniel's face told her that he didn't expect that. just what he had expected, she wondered? abiding to his earlier threat and hang him? or invoke the Right on him and gamble his life on a ritual with obscure success chance?

"you're doing **what**?" the confusion in his gruff voice proved her that he really didn't expect this. Elise would've laughed at him, if not for the fact that Varel also objected with the same question. they were making her feel like she was doing the wrong choice, trying to stray her away from her decision.

"I'm sure, Varel." Elise flashed the older man a warm smile. "he's only here to retrieve what belongs to him. at worst, he's merely trespassing."

she had done this several times before, but it never cease to amaze her how the right words and mannerism could sway someone so easily. a reassuring smile and a few lighthearted words spoken in soothing voice was all that it takes for the seneschal to do what she says - albeit with reluctance.

the calculative gaze that Nathaniel sent to her as he was escorted out by the guard was not lost on her. it was a sign of distrust - he thinks her action is a trap. she knew she shouldn't take it to the heart, considering the circumstances, but it hurts. the fleeting moment she had spent with him had brought few of old memories to the surface. she faintly remember how those grey eyes used to look at her with soft fondness that she returned wholly, and now...

_stop._ she shook her head slightly. there's no use remembering that.

geared back to his armor and weapon, Nathaniel threw her a last withering look. it was an open invitation, a dare for her to sic the guard at him on the last moment.

she didn't.

instead, she gave him a warm smile, giving him a curt bow.

"be safe." the words felt so nostalgic when it rolled off of her lips. it sounded so different from back then, on that fateful night where she lost everything. back then, she sounded so cheerful and energetic, she recalled. now her voice was soft and had mellowed, losing it's lustre.

yet the sincerity in those words are all the same.

whether he had heard her or not, Elise will never know. Nathaniel had turned his back away from her and stormed out of the cell, his armor clanking with each brusque steps he took. she watched as he quickly got away out of the dungeon, stepping into the keep's yard.his back disappeared in such fast pace. it was as if this place was the last thing he wanted to be in.

Elise didn't blame him for it.

beside her, Varel gave her a worried look as he bowed. "I hope you know what you're doing, Commander."

the chuckle that left her lips sounded so hollow and wry.

"I do hope so too."

**Author's Note:**

> hello. i have this sitting in Docs for months, but i only just recently gathered my courage to post this online. this is something to indulge myself after doing The Prisoner quest, but it's my first time writing fan fictions, so i'm sorry if Nathaniel is OOC.


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